Translating YouTube comments

Don't believe that humanity is in sorry shape right now? All you have to do is look at what people are like when no one's watching, or, in modern times, what they're like on the interet, where they are granted anonymity.

YouTube in particular is on awful collecting place for the guttersnipes of society. Sure, there are pointless videos, but mostly I'm talking about the awful comments. Here's just a few, with the proper translations following so you can understand what the heck they're saying:

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SUBJECT OF COMMENT: Barack Obama > George Bush. George Bush = Satan. Etc.

YOUTUBE COMMENT: bush kept u safe my ass if he did thousand of men and women wouldnt of died he even brought england into it 2 help fight his war and what 4 eh nothing. lets hope obama will change and make america whole again!!!

TRANSLATION: With all due respect my good sir, I would swear by the sanctity of my ass that, contrary to your belief, Bush has not kept us safe, as evidence by the high death toll of American people. Since we all know England is quite useless, George Bush bringing England into the whole affair for quite a silly move on his part. It was all for nothing, mostly because they do nothing more than eat crumpets and sip tea. Obama, however is infinitely superior to George Bush. He will change America and make it whole again. I know this because I am twelve and quite fufilled in my wordly wisdom. Also, Obama said so. Exclamation point times three!

SUBJECT OF COMMENT: Well, the video was originally about Miley Cyrus, so I don't know how it digressed to this.

YOUTUBE COMMENT: if u were smart enough to think in terms of thrid person u may not have said that. Im not racist, but i hate niggers. If i were racist i'd hate all blacks, i just hate niggers like that bitch who said miley was racist cuz she's from tennessee

TRANSLATION: You are obviously too moronic to think in third person, otherwise, you would not have made such a strange remark. Let me inform that I am not racist. I simply hate negroes, or, as you may know them "niggers". This class of people does not encompass the entire black race. If I did indeed despise the entire race, I suppose you could call me a racist. For an example of a "nigger", which I dislike, refer to that female dog who strongly implied Ms. Cyrus is a racist simply because of her geographical location, Tennessee.

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I have no hope for humanity. I can't bear to look at any more. :p

I Don't Like Liberals

And here's living testimony to that:



If you don't want to watch the video, here's all you need to know. Wanda Sykes took a quote from Rush Limbaugh, used it grossly out of context, then cracked a joke about his oxycotin habit and her wish for his "kidneys to fail." And our president, Barack Obama, laughed at it. Classy, right?

My my, if Rush Limbaugh is such an insignificant plebian who doesn't know what he's talking about, I wonder why Sykes felt the need to attack him? Traditionally, The White House administration does not directly address criticism from radio personalities like this.

A few months ago, when Barack was pushing the stimulus bill, he sniped at the Republicans, "You can't just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done." Apparently there was a need for urgency where the stimulus bill was concerned, and the evil Rush Limbaugh was to blame for delaying the pork-ridden package. Tsk, tsk.

I suppose that's why, after the bill flew through Congress, Barack took a few days leisure time so he could sign the bill on President's Day. "What's the rush?" he said to baffled reporters.

I don't know, Barack. I'm guessing the rush is the same "sign-this-damned-package-or-die-you-stupid-Republicans" rush that you were shoving down our throats days before. But whatever. You're Barack, so I'm just going to ignore that and let you wallow in your hypocrisy and let the world continue its jaded love affair with you. And you can sign your bill on President's Day and take a few pictures.

Speaking of pictures, did anyone ever tell our administration that flying a plane low over New York City is a bad idea? Here's a witness's home video:



Apparently this was orchestrated in order to take new photos of the AF1 (or at least, that's what it's called when the President is aboard, which he wasn't at the time) with the Statue of Liberty in the background.

Have they not heard of photoshop? And frugality? The thing cost about $328,835 of taxpayer money. OUR MONEY.

And speaking of money, now they're trying to decide which foods/beverages to hike taxes on in order to fund the new 'healthcare for all omgzz!!" system:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124208505896608647.html

Taxing soda? Really? Not so sure if you should do that, Barack. If you do, the Pepsi ads might stop putting your American-colored 'O' symbol in the middle of all their ads in retribution. For shame.

Things I Really Hate

I hate people who point at their wrist while asking for the time, like I don’t know where on my body to look for the time!
I hate people who are willing to get up to search the entire room for the T.V. remote but won’t walk up to the T..V. to change the channel!
I hate people who say “you just want to have your cake and eat it too!” Well, of course, what else would I do with it?
I hate people who say “it’s always in the last place you look.”…yeah, or I would keep looking!
I hate when people who are watching a show with you look over and say “Did you see that?” No, I was sitting here looking the other way!
I hate people who say “Can I ask you a question?” Didn’t really give me a chance to say “No”, did you?
I hate when something is advertised as “new and improved”…which is it? New or Improved? And what was it before? Old and ruined?
I hate when you wait for the bus and someone next to you asks, “Did the bus come yet” DUH! Would we still be standing here?
I hate anti-theft detectors on C.D.’s…you nearly break the disc just trying to get the package open!
I hate people who use so much slang in emails you can’t even understand what they’re saying!
I hate people who wear their pants down around their thighs.
I hate people who honk and wave at me who I don’t know.
I hate when someone leans over my shoulder to read and mumbles to themselves.
I hate semi-truck drivers who never get it…your turn signal has been on for the last fifteen miles and you’ve missed all exits!
I hate people who never name their dogs and just call them “dog”.
I hate it when my sister licks out all the filling of an oreo cookie and puts all the cookie parts back in the tray.
I hate when someone you’re forced to take a long ride with wears A LOT of cologne.
I hate it when people who I invite to a party in turn invite a lot of OTHER people to the same party!
I hate it when a crooner asks if they can get “fries with that shake”?!
I hate people who tell the end of movies.
I hate people who stand in line with more than 10 items in the “10 items or less” line.
I hate people who chew on pens they’ve borrowed …and actually return them.
I hate people who try to tell a joke that isn’t funny; or worse, people who tell a joke, but forget the punch line and then tell you that it was a real “hoot”.
I hate neighbors who leave their Christmas lights up until September.
I hate being in job interviews when the interviewer never makes eye contact.
I hate someone yelling random numbers while I’m trying to count money.
I hate people who stand up and announce that they’re going to the bathroom.
I hate popping gum during class.
I hate drivers who tailgate old people.
I hate people who leave the supermarket cart in the only open parking space when it’s 20 below zero.
I hate people who pee in the swimming pool.
I hate people who tell me how they were “so much worse off” in their day.
I hate drivers who turn on their bright lights just as they get in front of you.
I hate people who tell little kids the truth about Santa Claus.
I hate people who put everyone on speaker phone.

Reaffirmation

I often wonder: what is it about us humans, that we tend to make ourselves out to be bigger than we actually are?

Sometimes we forget the grand scheme of things. Or ignore it, I suppose.

Louie Giglio put the 'grand scheme of things' into perspective for me, though, through his Dvd 'Indescribable'. Now, I'm usually one to sniff at people when they come to me saying their "lives were changed by this Dvd," or "their perspectives have been revamped for one book," etc.

Being of a slow, deliberate, and practical nature myself, how can I not scoff at such people? To all appearances, their "life changing experiences" seem to be the result of whimsy.

But perhaps I shouldn't be too quick to judge. 'Indescribable' didn't change my life completely, per se. I have been a believe in God for a few years now. But what Giglio showed during his sermon completely changed my worldview.

Essentially, he showed me how ridiculously huge the universe is. Consequently, I now feel incredibly small. But in a good way.

Now I'm aware merely mentioning the size of the universe doesn't automatically validate the existance of a god(s). But I already believe in God. I didn't watch this video to validate that belief. All it did was put everything into perspective for me. It was a reaffirmation of sorts, if you will.


The first part of the 'Indescribable' Dvd can be viewed here:



Oh, and here is another link to an tour of our universe, though it's not affiliated with Giglio's tour in any way:



Crazy creepy awesome. And that's about it. I really shouldn't be blogging right now because I don't have the time...but I needed to say this. Maybe now I can concentrate long enough to get back to studying for my AP exam.

OH, and one more thing: HOLY COW:

Nuclear Power For the Win!

Nuclear Power FTW!!


In a world of limited resources, it is paramount for the United States to constantly engineer new methods for maintaining a constant energy source, lest we risk our quality of life. The condition of our energy policies is directly related to vital issues such as national security, economic stability, and a higher standard of living. And though there are several sources that have been suggested as being the ideal (hydrogen power, anyone?), our condition is such that, at the moment, we lack the technology to take advantages of these sources. A stopgap needs to be implemented while we research that elusive ideal, a stopgap that will remove our worries by centuries while maintaining our standards of living. To that end, a nuclear energy-centric plan is the one I am in full support of.
Statistics taken from the Nuclear Energy Institute (NEI) website shows several consistent truths concerning nuclear energy: the fuel (uranium) is inexpensive, the waste is compact and can be recycled via breeder reactors, and finally, to satisfy the environmental enthusiast, I might add that there are absolutely no greenhouse or acid rain effects to worry about. A study conducted by the U.S. Department of Energy and Energy Information Administration reports a direct correlation between the increase of dependence on nuclear power and a decrease in carbon dioxide emissions.
Of course, there are plenty other aspects of nuclear energy that they might be concerned with, such as the volatile nature of the waste. It is highly radioactive, meaning it would take years to decay in the open environment. But this is assuming that the maintainers of the power plant would be content to let it sit out in the open. Sending the excess waste through a breeder reactor would solve this problem quite nicely; not only by getting rid of the hated environmental anti-Christ that would make even Al Gore wet his pants, but by recycling the small amount of waste into energy. Indeed it is small; according to the NEI, the entire industry has produced about 58,000 metric tons of used nuclear fuel over the past four years. Collectively, this would cover a football field about seven yards deep; hardly a worrisome size of waste.
Then there is the most amusing argument against nuclear energy: “But what about proliferation?! Because, you know, terrorists might find the nuclear waste and create of bomb out of it in their backyard!” Please. It isn’t hard to see why this argument is so flawed that it isn’t so much an argument as a joke – the people perpetuating this point are forgetting that a breeder reactor is required in order to make anything truly volatile out of a granule of nuclear waste. If a terrorist is technologically inclined enough to steal radioactive uranium from us and convert it into a bomb, then he wouldn’t. He would simply create his own with the aforementioned, metaphorical reactor he already owns.
Though the immediate use of nuclear energy has been restricted to powering homes, etc., if enough nuclear reactors were established, it could lead to the implementation of a fuel cell economy. Fuel cell based cars, combined with nuclear powered homes, would result in energy independence for the United States, given that the uranium we use only comes from our homeland.
I can only conclude that nuclear power promotes safety in every possible way; by providing a route towards energy independence, by being environmentally safe, and by being economically healthy. Indeed, it is the stopgap we have been searching for until we should stumble upon the technology that will give us access to an unending, ideal, and collectively perfect resource.

Naivete

Just something I wrote.



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Summary: She was a silly little thing, really, with china doll limbs and a chubby, pouty face that turned tomato red when she didn’t get her way. Fiction. Third person limited.

Naïveté



She was a silly little thing, really, with china doll limbs and a chubby, pouty face that turned tomato red when she didn’t get her way.

“Mommy, watch me!”

It was Sunday, and she was wearing her favorite Easter dress, though Mommy had told her not to. She spread it out and twirled - she was a blur of pink and white and lace, a nymphet in the morning. Her stiff new shoes skipped and danced in the dewy grass of the graveyard, the damp soaking through her white stockings.

“Mommy! Are you watching me? Look!” she paused mid-twirl, flushed and panting from her performance. Her ribboned sailor cap hung askew on her curly golden head.

“No, Angie, just a minute,” Mommy said, her voice sad. She was gazing at the ground pensively, and a fresh bouquet of yellow flowers crinkled in her hand as she gripped them. “Mommy’s busy.”

Angie sucked in an angry breath, but, instead of screaming, she tripped over to Mommy’s side and setttled for a sad pout. Something was wrong with Mommy, she could tell by the way her slender neck was bowed, by the way curtains of dark hair fell in disarray about her face. Angie pressed against her mother’s leg, gloved hands gripping the folds of the black mourning dress.

“I like your flowers, Mommy,” Angie offered quietly.

“They’re not my flowers.”

Angie blinked, comprehending this in her childish wisdom. “Oh,” she said finally. “For someone else.”

Mommy nodded, her eyes trained on the stone at her feet.

Angie released her mother’s skirts and knelt next to the stone curiously, her white-stockinged knees soaking up the damp earth. Mommy really liked to look at this stone, but Angie didn’t know why. It was a flat, cold rectangle in the ground with letters on it - big words that Angie couldn’t read. And numbers too.

She ran her tiny hand over the strange symbols, her stubby fingers brushing the indentions and picking at the ivy growing over one corner. Mommy knelt down next to her and placed the flowers across the marble, her head bowed quietly.

Angie tottered to her feet, brushing out her grass-stained dress subconsciously. Without a word to her mother, she danced away, holding out her skirts like a fairy princess again.

Maybe if Mommy saw her dancing, she would laugh again. Maybe Mommy would dance too, and twirl round and round, like she used to do with Daddy.

“Mommy, look at me,” Angie called again, softer this time, dipping into a clumsy curtsy for her audience, toes pointed like they had taught her in ballet.

“I’m watching, Honey,” Mommy was looking up from where she knelt next to the grave, her eyes hidden by her unkempt hair.

But her lips were smiling softly.

Angie laughed and twirled, tripping over the gravestones, carefree and giddy. It was alright. Mommy was smiling again. She was happy.

Extreme Christian Romance Part 1: Marriages that Rob the Cradle

I am not ashamed of the fact that I’m a born again Christian.

It’s fantastic. And it's the only philosophy that's ever made sense to me.

But be prepared. Just be prepared if you ever decide to join us, because your way of thinking is in for one hell of a facelift. Especially where dating and marriage is concerned. Legalism abounds in certain subsets of Christian subcultures. Why, oh WHY are so many of us just plain weird?

Oh, and be prepared if you're a young single person. Because some old harpy is going to take you under her wing and make it her personal business to hook you up, for sure!

I don’t know WHY some Christians insist that we all marry each other before we hit 18. Furthermore, I don’t know WHY they give me a pitying, withering look when they find out I’m single and happy about it.

These people - the close-minded ones that subscribe to the idea that you MUST be married in order to be happy - are just one polarized extreme from Christian dating gone horribly wrong. I’ll touch on the other extreme in another blog post, but for now I’m going to rip a new one in the types of Christians I call ‘Marriage or Die!’ extremists.

Want an example of a close encounter with a ‘Marriage or Die!’ extremist? Check this out:

MARRIED WOMAN: Hello, Linnie. How was your weekend?
ME: Fine, thanks.
MARRIED WOMAN: Are you married yet?
ME: No, sorry.
MARRIED WOMAN: *Bursts into tears* :’(

As if my ability to find a man defines me. Psh. What a load of bullshit.

I don’t go out with people because I don’t like them. Not because I’m resisting ‘The will of God’. Somehow I doubt God wants me to marry a socially challenged, overly romantic, idealistic little boy whose entire romantic experience is derived from the cheesy advice columns published in Lifeway magazine.

If that had been God’s intention, then He would’ve docked my IQ score a few points. That would be the only way I could possibly cope with such inane naive boyishness.

Also, He would have instilled in me a contentment to forego higher education and societal advancement so that I may spend the rest of my womanly years knitting, cooking, ironing men’s shirts, and cutting coupons for baby formula.

Have these matrimony-obsessed people even read the Bible? Paul was single, for crying out loud. He said it was good to remain single. Better, even, than marriage.

[Then again, this is also the guy who built tents for a living and was later stoned and shipwrecked, so maybe that's not such a valid argument anymore...ah well. Moving on...]

Look, I’m not writing this as a ’screw you’ to every married couple on earth. I think marriage is great if done for the right reasons. But I am just TIRED of being ragged on for being single.

I’m only 19. My biological clock IS NOT ticking that fast.

Even if it is, it sure the hell isn’t the church’s damn business.

Leave me alone! Stay out of my business! ARGH!

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That’s all for Part 1. Up next: Extreme Christian Romance Part 2: Let’s Ignore Each Other Until We’re Married.